I Have Everything, But Still....

I don’t know if everybody feels the same, but I do. I am not happy with what I have in hand, with what I have achieved. "Yeh dil maange more". But what? And why? I don’t know. All I know is that I need kuch extra.

" Mera mann yeh bataa de tu
Kis mod chala hai tu
Kyaa paya nahin tune
Kya doond raha hai tu "

Once upon a time, there was a kid who would get up after much persuasion in the morn, go to school, do his work and come back, get immersed in his books and toys and then go to sleep only to get up again the next day. Those were days when studies used to be his main duty. His books were his best friends. His secret toys were his fav pals. Studying used to be his way of forgetting tensions. When he was scolded, for some reason or the other, he used to find solace in his textbooks and homework. He was most contended with what he was. He always wore a smile around his face. And he was always ready to lend a helping hand to fellow students. He used to be the teachers' favorite. And was the quietest and most well behaved boy in his class.

Now, that the kid is no more a kid, he has grown up, books have ceased to be his companion. He finds comfort in other stuff. Computers have a definite place in his life. Music was, is and always will be his favorite pastime. Only the times have changed, but the kid is no longer happy with himself. Now, I don’t have to tell you that this kid is the very same me. I have all things, as a 24 year old, I could long for. I have good parents, a fab brother, lovable relatives, cousins, good friends, and all the gadgets and gizmos I could have. I now have innumerous ways to kill time. Listening to music, getting hooked to the internet, television, video games, DVD player and what not! Yet, I get bored easily. Still there is something missing.

I wasn’t ambitious at all. All I wanted to do when I finished my pre degree was a Govt job. But I couldn’t think of studying physics or chemistry again. And so I went after computers which I had always loved. Even after graduation in computers I wasn’t into doing a post graduation. But I did, nonetheless. And now that I am on the verge of finishing my PG, I am a bit greedy. I want a lot of money to spend. I have some dreams to chase. Now I want to do something for my family, for my friends and all those around. I want to make thing better around me. I want to make everybody around me happy.

But to make others happy, I should be happy with myself. I should be contented with myself. To believe in others, I should, first of all, believe in myself. So what is it that is missing in me? Or is it that I feel so? Maybe! Things haven’t changed much after all. Still I am the same person who needs much persuasion to get up from bed. I am lazy to the last bone. Of course, books have been replaced with things that are the fad of the day. And what’s wrong in getting hooked to the internet, in watching TV and movies. Nothing! Yes, tats it! I haven’t changed much. I still love music, films and books. I still like to spend time at my home. I am still the same kid whom I was talking about. And if anything has changed, it is for the good. At least I like to believe so. And I am contended indeed, with what I have. What I am today, what I possess is all because of myself. No, I am not taking away others credits. They have done their part. But all decisions have been mine. Whether wrong or not, whether those have led to failure or success, all decisions have been mine. I have nobody to be blamed. Or to be obliged to. What I am , and what I am not is all because of me. What else do I need to be happy?